My Heart is Raw Today

I don't know what triggered it exactly.

Was it thinking about whether or not to take the kids to the orphanage in Mexico for a weekend in December?

Was it thinking about what the Boy will do if he wakes up wet? Do they have a shower nearby?

Was it wondering about the Baby, and how she loves routine, loves her bed, loves knowing where everything is and how things work in our house? Would she nap at all in a strange new place?

Would she cling to me?

Is there any point in going if all I'm going to do is hold a clingy baby?

Or was it when I realized that these kinds of things are going to be their life for the next several months? Big transitions, the interruption of routine. Strange face and languages. Strange beds strange food.

How will they do?

How will I do?

I worry about them.

Tears press at the back of my eyes today and I fight to hold them back.

It is raw.

I know it will be alright in the end, that kids are adaptable. I believe it will all be worth it. I believe they will adjust and be stronger for it.

But today it is raw nonetheless.


  1. Sending you a hug. I dislike those days the most. Saying a prayer for you.

  2. Thank you for your honesty.
    It is an encouragement to know that even though other people, too, know it will all work out, things can still be scary when looking at them.
    That can be such a lonely feeling at times!

  3. Anonymous7:22 PM

    My heart goes out to you! I know how hard moving is, but I have no idea what moving to another country is like. May God bless you and your family as you go about serving His people in a strange land. Saying a prayer for you...:)

  4. Anonymous11:18 AM

    I wonder if your mother in law is trying to make a point by taking you there :)

  5. Anon-not sure what point she would be making but no. We have a family tradition of giving a gift to the world at Christmas instead of to each other. (because it's Jesus birthday not ours.) This year it just happens to be go to an orphanage for 3 days and wrap presents for them and give them a Christmas celebration. We've been there before. And 3-4 families from our church will be participating.


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