She Laughs at the Days

I am 32 today. It's been the 31st for 9 minutes or so. There are many busy things going on to celebrate. The gratitude post may not be up until Sunday.

We just finished up with the top layer of glaze on the Mint Chocolate Truffle Cake and if the finger licks are any indication everyone eating it tomorrow will be very happy, and then comatose from chocolate poisoning. But it will be worth it.

And then we have to go to the Genius Husband's grandparent's to eat dinner and more cake, and to swim in their hot tub and pool. Well, the kids plan to. I think it will be too cold for swimming, and I'm not the hot tub type, or something.

Then, on Sunday, my SIL is going to baby sit my children, and the GH and I are going out on a real live date!!! Dinner and a movie, a grownup restaurant and a grownup movie. The last time we went on a date was in April, to give you an idea of the momentousness of this occasion. (Is too a word.) The GH works in the construction field, which is somewha…

The Girl just took me out for tea for my birthday. It was my idea because I could see she needed some one on one mommy time, and it was every bit as cute as it sounds. We walked about 4 miles round trip to a little coffee shop downtown that she's been desperate to go inside of since the day the new owner stood on the side walks and handed them free smoothie samples to promote his grand opening. The Genius Husband secretly slipped her a ten dollar bill to carry in her purse so she could pay when we got there and surprise me. The employees just about died of a cuteness overdose. I drank my tea and she her impossibly neon looking watermelon smoothie with boba concoction and we played snakes and ladders because it was the only kid game there that still had all the pieces.

I lost track of how many times during the hour long walk there, and the other hour returning, holding hands the whole way, that she said, "Mama, I really like being with you."

It's so simple really, to ma…

I just adore this commercial. I can't stop laughing when I see it.

And yet it's sweet too, and makes me wish I were pregnant again.

What do you think? Am I suffering from raging hormones, or do you like it too?

I keep saying that we're going to move to Thailand this year. Am I boring you yet?

Well, we are, just not yet. I just extended our lease again, this time until the end of May, and that in itself may not be enough time.

There are a few things that need to be done first. And I don't mean packing, though, oh my goodness, there is much packing in my future.

Nah, there's the issue of this children's home that still doesn't have enough money to run in the black yet every month. We send them every penny donated, but every month those kids, they keep eating, and drinking water, and going to school. And those things cost more money, every month. So we are setting up a child sponsorship program for them so that their situation becomes stable. (More on that when it's ready.)

That's the first thing that needs to happen.

Then there is the deal with incorporating as a non-profit, appointing a board of directors, getting 501(c)3 status and...Hey, I saw that. I just saw your ey…

Little carefully setting blocks in a row and saying."Yay!" to herself every time she finishes.

The fond smile of the man I love when he looks at me.

Children dancing among grown ups. Totally unselfconscious. Enjoying themselves completely.

The sight of the Girl running around hand in hand with a little boy who has claimed her as his friend for the evening.

The kind of friends who welcome you into their home and make you feel it is your home as well.

Knowing and liking my neighbors, well enough to borrow a crock pot from some of them, or a cup of sugar.

Girls twirling in dresses, faces alight and filled with pleasure to see fond parents watching them.

The way all of my children scream "DADDY!" and come running as soon as the Genius Husband walks in the door.

Little girls playing dress up.

The Boy turning everything he says into an improvised song.

Frere Jacque over and over and over again from the Girl as she memorizes the words. Slightly off key but so enthusiastic.

A quiet m…

1. I am elbow deep in making baked beans for more than 80 people. They keep expanding and I keep borrowing the neighbor's crock pots to contain it all. 6 lbs of beans is a lot of beans y'all. Just sayin'.

2. I am also trying to finally finish making the girls their birthday dresses. Yes, I'm a month behind. I figured they could wear them to the wedding we're attending this weekend. And then I would have a deadline again, which I need to actually get them done.

3.Not my sister's wedding. She's in Canada. I'm not going to hers because: she only set the date last month, the price of travel, (I won't go without Little, she's not ready), no one to watch my other children while I'm gone, etc. The timing works out for everyone except me, and I couldn't even promise I would make it any time so...for those who asked that's why I'm not going.

4.I bought a jump rope today. The past 4 months or so of learning how to be an administrator for a no…

My sister is getting married this week, and it was just her birthday, and I'm missing her, wishing I could be there to celebrate with her. She will always be my little sister, the one I so fiercely want to protect from everything that could hurt her. It's an instinct that has become a source of conflict for us the past few years as she wishes I could just let go, and let her live her life and make her choices, with the same detachment that I can give to other people. She wants me to stop trying to protect her. It's really hard to do, but I've been trying to let go.

I keep thinking about what kind of things I would say to her if I were there on her wedding day. What kind of toast I would make if I got to make one? What I will say to both of them, the brother in law I barely know, and the sister I have loved my whole life? They are from such different backgrounds, cultures, and faiths. And while I can see how exciting it is for them to think about the adventure it will …

It was thanks to people like him, who had the courage to act on their convictions, to stand up for what is right, no matter the consequences, who sacrificed everything they had for the hope of something better, it's thanks to them that the faces of my children register nothing but confusion when I explain to them that 50 years ago in this country they would not have been allowed to play with at least half of their friends. They would not have lived in the same places, they would not have shared toys, food, and water bottles. (Sometimes, when I'm not looking.)

They don't understand why the two friends whose marriage we are celebrating next weekend would not have been allowed to marry. They are baffled by the thought that people would hate another so much because of their skin color that they would kill them.

We should never take such things for granted I thought. We should always remember the sacrifice of those brave men and women who changed things.

And yet, because of them m…

photo from nikoretro

In lieu of an actual post today I'll send you over to Wedded Bliss where I am talking about married sex, or the lack thereof.

The photo above was originally included in that post but my editors vetoed it, after laughing their butts off they assured me. Just in case someone was offended. Have I just offended you all? Or given you a good laugh?

Wait, I just offended my dad for sure. Sorry dad.

Some friends of ours had a baby just a few weeks ago. He was born 3 weeks early and had a hole in his left lung. By the time he was a few hours old he had tubes in his chest to relieve the pressure on his chest cavity, an oxygen tube down his throat and wires sticking out of him everywhere. Thankfully, we have one of the best NICU wards in the country nearby and he was transferred there the first day.
He is now home with his family. The tubes are all gone, he's breathing on his own, the danger has passed. I can't begin to describe how thankful I am that it turned out his way. Which is only a portion of how his parents must feel.

It occurs to me, belatedly, to be thankful that Little was so very healthy when she was born, also 3 weeks early. I just took for granted how strong she was, how perfect. But now I give thanks that she was as she was, and not put through such trauma.

And the list of things, smaller, but no less worthy of rejoicing over goes on.

An e-mail from a dear frien…

I actually started writing this yesterday and didn't finish. This morning the GH woke up and made us all breakfast, since Fridays are his day off.

This morning at 6 am I woke to the sound of a little voice yelling, "Mommy, I peed my bed." I don't know if there is a worse way to wake up besides, "Mommy, I just vomited all over myself." Or, "Mommy, I can't breath, call an ambulance now." That last one they aren't really talking by the way, just making terrible suffocating noises.

So I changed bedding, ran a bath and found new PJ's. The GH meanwhile woke up a started getting ready for work. (Yes, he gets up before anyone else is even awake and sneaks quietly out of the house to go to work every morning. Yes he is awesome.) While I was standing next to the bathtub turning off the water he decided to relieve himself in the toilet right behind me. As I was saying, "Great, there will be spray all over my pants now." I got a drop on m…

Little peeled off her sundress and took off running.

So I chased her of course, camera in hand.



For you who are trapped in snow.
Enjoy.

Today the Genius Husband arrived home just as I was loading up all of the kids to head out to the store. I needed quarters ASAP to keep pee soaked bedding from marinating long enough to get that impossible to get rid of ammonia smell. It was also half an hour before dinnertime.

The joyous Boy opted to stay home with daddy while the "girls" all headed out to the store. Can I just digress for a moment and comment on how peaceful it is to have all girls along on a shopping trip instead of the mix I normally have? Or maybe it was just the difference between two and three. I often feel my shoulders hunched somewhere around my ears by the end of these trips. Usually because the more there are, the more mischief they can get into. Or maybe it's because the Boy is just so very loud. The time at the grocery store was so peaceful that I decided to go next door to Big Lot's too. Which was also peaceful, but time consuming and we had been gone an hour by the time we got home.

&quo…

I've started to notice something the past little while as I read blogs. And I'm not sure how to say this, so I'll just start like this.

When I started blogging I had no thoughts beyond, "Oh that looks like fun, a chance to practice writing every day and maybe even some people will read it." And then I discovered, well, the blogosphere, in particular, mommy bloggers. When I found myself pregnant and virtually housebound a month or two later I turned to the computer for a chance for social connection. I laughed at the stories people told of their mistakes, fascinated by the ability to spin a bad day into a humorous tale. I commiserated when others shared their difficulties. I identified with those who felt overwhelmed. I felt less alone. Here were people who knew what it feels like to be a mom, a woman, and they are writing about it with skill and intelligence. I was totally hooked.

My blog became, largely, a place to express my angst, to process through my depressio…

Remember when I said my little brother is a stunt guy? Oh, you don't?

My little brother is a stunt guy. That's him last year pretending to can himself on the door of a car.

Isn't that awesome?

Or do you have to be a big sister to appreciate it? :)

Sometimes I find myself wondering around in a bitter funk. It's characterized by the question, "Why bother?" and usually is sparked by how quickly things are undone, how much energy it takes to push myself and my family toward routines and habits that are healthy and productive, and how tired I am. I feel like just quitting.

I start to wonder, "What's wrong here? Why am I feeling this way?" Often the past week or two, on the heels of that question is the realization that I haven't taken the time for gratitude. I haven't been writing the gifts that each day brings as they come. And the result is that I start to whine and complain a lot, and resent the people around me.

Last night was one such night. I have been trying pretty hard this week to get us back in a routine now that the holiday is over. I have been pushing recalcitrant children through the mornings and lessons. I have been pushing myself to sleep at a decent hour and to get my work done durin…

1.) I read this post at Fried Okra this week and it caused me to wonder, "Why do I blog exactly?" "What is it that I am trying to say?" Can anyone tell me?

No?

I suspect, after some thought, that it's to make friends, to build relationships and form connections with other people out there.

But it made me think.

I'm looking forward to the rest of her posts on this.

2.)I miss knitting. I gave away all of my knitting supplies in November because I figured there wouldn't be much point to knitting living in Thailand. I mean, it's way too hot for that right? And now everywhere I look I see people knitting and my fingers itch to pick up needles and make something fun and I wish I still had some around.

3.) If I had something to knit I could use it to procrastinate some more from all the sewing that I have piled up. It's to the point where I try and remember how it was I found time to sew in the past and I just can't. When did I do all that sewing? How di…

My dad has found my blog at long last. He still doesn't even have an email address, but he has found my blog. The last time he phoned me he started in, "You haven't put up a picture of the Boy in his suit yet. I thought you said you would put one up for me." Sheesh, one week they don't even realize you have a blog, the next, they are demanding specific content. :)

Once there was a boy who didn't care what he wore. He was always in cut offs and dirty pants and ran around shirtless and barefoot, playing around in the grass. Then his mother made him dress up for a wedding once. And she put on him a little blue vest that his uncle wore to her wedding when he was a little Boy. He called it his "Wedding clothes" and wore it without a shirt and with cutoffs and ran around blasting people.

Perhaps it was the advent of sisters and their pretty clothes, but gradually the Boy started taking an interest in what he wore. One day he appeared outside his bedroom blu…

I can't begin to count the number of times I have whined and moaned about the fact that we have coin laundry. It's expensive, it's inconvenient, it's upsetting when people steal my clothes from the washer. When children pee their beds I have to wait to do laundry until a.) the laundry room opens in the morning b.) I am dressed and the children are dressed and c.) I am able to be around for a full two hours to vigilantly supervise my clothing and make sure it's safe. I tend to whine a lot.

And don't get me started about the mail, and having to walk over to get it, or the distance I need to walk to the dumpster to take out the trash.

And there's the bit where our apartment is small and the play area for the kids is public and requires extra vigilance and we need to deal with irritating people from time to time and safeguard our children from people who apparently have no natural sense of healthy boundaries.

If I had my druthers, our house would be larger, detach…

It's 9:42 on a Friday night and the house is silent. The Boy and Girl have gone with the GH to Beema's house for the evening. Little is asleep. And I am once again reflecting on the past week and the many gifts it contained. And I am thankful.

Sometimes I think that my gratitude lists must be very boring for others to read. They consist of the countless dull everyday moments that I get to enjoy with my family. I feel redundant but I am sincerely grateful for every single one of them. I try not to take any of it for granted.

Making cookies with the Girl and her friend.Sitting outside in the brief sunlight with the GH talking to the neighbors as the kids tear around.Talking to my mom on the phone. (Remember when it cost an arm and a leg to make an international call? Now I have a $5/month flat rate and I call all the time without giving it a thought.)Walking to the store with Little, her babbling the whole way, and pointing at everything she knows the word for as we went.The GH hu…