Constant State of Flux

I keep saying that we're going to move to Thailand this year. Am I boring you yet?

Well, we are, just not yet. I just extended our lease again, this time until the end of May, and that in itself may not be enough time.

There are a few things that need to be done first. And I don't mean packing, though, oh my goodness, there is much packing in my future.

Nah, there's the issue of this children's home that still doesn't have enough money to run in the black yet every month. We send them every penny donated, but every month those kids, they keep eating, and drinking water, and going to school. And those things cost more money, every month. So we are setting up a child sponsorship program for them so that their situation becomes stable. (More on that when it's ready.)

That's the first thing that needs to happen.

Then there is the deal with incorporating as a non-profit, appointing a board of directors, getting 501(c)3 status and...Hey, I saw that. I just saw your eyes glaze over. Yeah you, the one who hasn't had her morning coffee yet. Yes it's boring. Anyway, it's necessary work to ensure the long term success of our little venture. Already things have reached the point when we are stepping out on our own and becoming a real life grown-up organization rather than the subsidiary of an already existing one. Who knew?

And so I once again adjust to a different timetable. I will unpack the summer clothing here instead of there. I am taking a good look around, once again with an eye for more long term maintenance rather than a packing mentality. (The dusting, you wouldn't believe the dusting.) I won't be giving away my piano just yet.

It's enough to drive a control freak like myself insane. And yet, I realize that this interval is a blessing. The more prepared we are when we go the better, and it gives us more time with the people we love here, even though there are people we love there that we long to see as well.

I've been pulling away, slowly rolling up my roots, tucking them away and getting ready to put them down in new soil, and now I find myself stretching them out again, looking around, and realizing that I will never really uproot myself from this place, these people, no matter how far I go. They will always be in my heart, just as the people from every place I've ever been are. Creating distance will not soften the parting, only fill it with regret.

My life is a constant journey from one thing I can't control to another that I can control even less. I realize now that none of what has happened so far this past year has been simply the fruit of my own effort. While I have done my best to be faithful with what there is in front of me to do, I am learning to rest in the realization that all of this life is a miracle, all of it beyond my control, and I'm finally at peace with that.

Listen to me, I sound like such a grown up. How did that happen?


  1. Good lessons to learn. I remember when we left, one of the things God had to tell us directly was, "Don't check out." That is, don't leave California until you've actually left California.

    "It's enough to drive a control freak like myself insane."

    Rule #1 of living in Thailand: Be flexible.

  2. When I read that you are working on a child sponsorship program, I actually said out loud, "Thank goodness! I can't wait!" I've been thinking about it all along...I hope I can afford it and if not, I'll keep donating in bits and pieces. (Last year's donation was a special one unlikely to be repeated, but who knows how DH will feel? He changes his mind about charities to donate to all the time.) I wish I could help out. Anything I can do from WI?

  3. thank you for sharing your story. i have been following your blog off and on the last few months. we currently live a safe "american christian suburban" life in ohio with our 4 kids 7 and under. but think God is calling us to furthering his kingdom in the world in some way caring for orphans and widows. dont know the where when how.... yet. be encouraged to continue on! the kids are waiting for you!


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