Pregnancy - It's not that simple this time around.
Every so often someone asks me if I'm excited about the baby, or gets excited for me and asks related questions and it leads to some awkwardness in my head. It's not that simple this time. For one thing I just have no time to be pregnant. This baby is a deadline, a reason to get everything done and our move to Thailand accomplished in time for him/her to arrive. I am lost in a flurry of activity, with 2 months fewer than I expected to have originally in order to not be on a plane a month before I'm due. In this context the baby is more of a challenge, a problem to be solved and worked around, than something to be excited about. But then there are other things. My dear, dear friend Chantelle who got pregnant at exactly the same time, and has lost many babies, unlike me, lost this baby too , right at 3 months. She has now buried 4 children who didn't make it to term, out of 5 pregnancies, and my heart is so tied to her and her loss that I feel a huge hesitation insi