Showing posts from February, 2013

Confessions of a Recovering Control Freak - Part 2

Part 1 I said once I was going to write about learning not to be afraid , but finding my way through where to start on such a big theme in my life was more than I could manage then.  I used to have to literally sit on my hands, to keep myself from doing anything that was a fear based controlling reaction. I didn't know what to do that wasn't me trying to escape the fear by doing something to give myself the illusion that I could protect myself with some sort of inane action, however unrelated. To this day, if I am having an uncomfortable conversation, or I'm worried about something, I will find something to scrub, or a crevice to clean the dirt out of, and focus on that the whole time we're talking, just like my grandmother. This is not to be confused with all the times I deep clean something just for the satisfaction of seeing it clean. I'm sometimes a little OCD like that. You would think my house would be more tidy than it is with that tendency,

Confessions of Recovering Control Freak

Want to know how to make me fall apart? Give me a bunch of things I can't do all by myself, that have to be done in a set amount of time, thereby forcing me to ask other people for help, and rely on them and work around their schedules, to get those things done. Add in a husband who is out of town while all this is going on, so the list of things I have to ask other people to do for me doubles because he's not there to do them. Add to that 4 children who keep making messes, and unpacking things that are already packed, and basically going along behind me undoing everything I get done, while at the same time asking me if I can take them to do fun things, and read this book to them, and come and play, and I will fall apart eventually. Throw in pregnant hormones and a pesky cough that won't go away and strains my bladder to the breaking point, just for added bonus kicks. Oh, and throw some brand new, urgent, must do before I go, project at me as well, on an almost daily basi

My Husband on Marriage

A while ago Aaron and I were listening to a podcast which was a debate on female roles in the church, and marriage, etc. Totally not interesting to anyone who isn't trying to fit their lives into the context of the Biblical narrative, I know, but a source of never ending conversation for those who are. But we were talking about it after, because both sides seemed to be kind of missing the point. At one point Aaron brought up the directive in the Bible for wives to submit to their husbands, and we started talking about why that might be in there if it wasn't because of X, Y, and Z, all of which seemed to be stupid rationalizations of broken human behavior. I asked him why he thought it was there then, and he didn't answer right away. About an hour later he walked up to me and announced, out of the blue, "I think it's because women are so much stronger than men." That made me laugh out loud, certain no one had ever framed the discussion in quite those

My Surprise Indian Baby Shower

A few weeks ago I went up to L.A. to help Brenda with Bug's Black Kitty birthday party , and to make good on a promise to stay longer the next time I was in town. At the same time, my friend Mamatha, who used to be a neighbor when we lived in our apartment, is now also living in L.A. and invited me to visit her at her new house. They wanted Aaron to come to but he was on the road again and there was no weekend in January that he could make it, so I figured we would go while we were already in the neighborhood. So after Bug's party we packed all our stuff into the van and headed north, expecting to have dinner with our friends before driving home again later that night. We headed out a bit late, but not too bad. Traffic was light. Then I got lost. And then Linga, Mamatha's husband, was phoning and messaging asking where I was while I tried to not drive all the way to the beach and find a way to turn around and get back to where I needed to be. They live at the juncti

When Reality Doesn't Conform to Expectations

The other night Bam Bam woke up in a mood. You know the kind. He's not hungry, he's not thirsty, he doesn't want to any hugs or kisses he just wants something inane, that only makes sense to his little sleep addled brain. In this case he wanted me to get out of bed and go sit on the couch so he could sit on my lap there and fall back asleep again. It makes sense, sort of, that's how he fell asleep the first time, before I laid him in his bed. But at 4:30 in the morning this tired pregnant mama is going to need 2 things, to use the bathroom, again, and to lay in bed and sleep. So after figuring out that all he wanted was snuggles in different geography I told him no more, we're going back to bed, after I used the bathroom that is. You who have children like this may well imagine the fit that followed. He was literally trying to pry me out of bed and make me do it his way. There are moments when you realize your kid is not going to listen to reason, he's


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