The Habit of Misery

"Everyone feels disappointed sometimes," I tell her. "Everyone feels sad because something didn't go the way they hoped it would from time to time. But to spend hours crying and finding the very worst thing in every second to complain about, that's a choice."

"I care about your feelings, and I'm sorry that you are sad. You need to stop complaining now. You are forming a habit right now and it's not a good one. You are making self-pity stronger by feeding it all of these complaints."

"Do you know what happens if you feed self-pity and make a habit out of complaining?"

She shakes her head. Silent for the first time in quite a while.

"You end up living a small, miserable life. You make yourself, and the people around you, miserable. I don't want that for you. I don't want all the wonderful things that you are to get lost and covered over by complaining and misery."

"You are so much more than that. You have so many things that you are very good at. Who you are is a wonderful girl that I am really happy to know. Don't let this thing become a habit that steals all of that away from you. I want for you to have a good life. I want for you to be happy. That's why you need to stop crying and complaining now."

I offer her words that no one gave to me. Words I wish I had heard sooner but am grateful to have heard at all. I know women much older than I whose habit of complaining has engulfed their life and turned everything to ashes.

I offer her love, in the form of wisdom I have gathered, often with difficulty, and finally she stops the obnoxious crying over the tragedy of no dessert and falls asleep.

Comments

  1. Thank you for this. I needed it this morning, at 37 weeks pregnant and grumpy about everything...

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  2. Such wise words!  I think more people need to be told these words, and I know I need to remind myself of them often.  Complaining breaks down amazing people and amazing talents.  So well said.  Thank you!

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  3. Oh have I been there! Hang in there. You're almost done. :)

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  4. I need to remind myself too. All the time! It's not something we hear from other places very often.

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  5. I'm just....I just had....I just want to say- Thank you. No one has ever put into words these things I really needed to hear. 

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  6. Provins Family2:51 PM

    I needed that. Thanks.

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  7. You are welcome Liz. Your comment kind of made my day.

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  8. Ktodeg9:39 AM

    I love that you had the wisdom to share this with your daughter, and the desire to share it with us too. I wish I knew why this particular trap is so common for women, but I'll settle for encouraging myself and others not to fall into it. Thanks.

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  9. Nathaniel & Jessica Moos2:33 AM

    truth, so beautiful.  well said. jessica 

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  10. Thank-you. I like the way you say we should encourage each other not to fall into it rather than warn each other. So much more effective.

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