My Big Heroic Moment

So last night in San Diego we were supposed to get 1 1/2 inches of rain, I think we got way more than that. I left the bedroom window open, because it’s not cold and it smells good, and I like the sound of rain falling outside my window.

I also need to add that I have always loved storms and thunder and lightning, I used to drive to the highest spot in town during storms to get the best view. This was of course when I lived in the prairies and thunderstorms were a nightly occurrence.

Well last night I was sleeping, and having some sort of dream when lightning and thunder happened, simultaneously directly on top of us. The thunder went on for about 30 seconds. I half woke up and opened my eyes to see this flash of light coming at me from the window and this huge sound and I was certain something was actually coming in the window like a big explosion or something and glass was breaking and flying at me. I was truly terrified. So I did the most logical thing one should do in that situation, I curled into a ball, tucked my head under the covers, (to protect myself from flying glass) and screamed like an idiot.

Still half awake and scared I hear the Girl crying and the GH going over to her bed and picking her up, so the mommy instinct finally kicks in and I get up and take her from him and hold her as she clings to me and cries. I don’t know if it was the thunder or my screaming that woke her up, though hubby says the thunder would have woken up everyone, except the Boy, he slept through it all. There were car alarms blaring all over the place, and the people upstairs were awake and walking around so he says no one would have heard me scream. I spent almost two hours calming her last night and getting her back to sleep, I even broke my set in stone no nursing at night rule in order to help her calm down. Meanwhile my heart is racing and the adrenaline surge is keeping me up and nervous and now the sound of the rain is grating and the departing thunder nerve wracking and I can’t relax.

So when I finally calm down enough to think about it, I am completely embarrassed by my actions. Here I am, actually believing something dangerous is coming straight at me, and I hide under the covers, and action that is completely useless to everyone including myself. I could have thrown myself over top of my daughter who was laying less than 4 feet away, thereby dodging this thing and protecting her, that would have been useful, noble even, but that didn’t even enter my brain. The truth is at that moment I didn’t even remember that she was there. I was locked in this weird moment.

I’m blaming the dream state I was in. Maybe if something really does happen and I’m awake I’ll do better.

all content © Carrien Blue