About a Boy

I did not know boyhood could be so sweet, that my heart would melt like this again.

I mourned the disappearance of baby curves that dissolved into hard lines and sharp angles, all elbows and knees jabbing into my lap. He was my first. I wept just staring at his newborn face that first month after he was born. I fell totally in love.

But when I reach out to smooth a cowlick and he catches my eye with a shy smile that thanks me for seeing him, for that touch that means more to him than it did to me, I see that heart of his looking back at me and feel a thrill of joy that he still loves me, as he did when a toddler and I was his whole world.

One day, not too distant, he will see my flaws and they will shout louder than my strengths for a while. My feet of clay will finally show through and he will have to learn to love me again as the flawed human being that I am. He will understand that I am not as perfect or wise as he may have once thought and our relationship will change, and be, I hope, more real as a result.

But that little smile he gives me, the one that says without words, I love you mom, you are the one I want to notice me, it gives me hope for the rocky road ahead. We can navigate our way through it, I think, without losing sight of each other.

all content © Carrien Blue

4 thoughts on “About a Boy

  1. Girl, I am typing through tears… TEARS I tell you!

    This is beautiful, and touches my heart as the mother of an 11 year old son. That boy loves me like no one else. Mothers of sons are blessed by God in a unique way… I believe that with my whole heart. Yes, I have a daughter as well. We have a fabulous relationship – she always wants to cuddle and snuggle with me. I love her to death. But there's just something different about a boy and his mama!

    I gotta go hug mine now. 🙂

  2. This paragraph is beautiful:
    "One day, not to distant, he will see my flaws…and our relationship will change, and be, I hope, more real as a result."

    And very resonant. I've been going through my own version again as an adult.

Comments are closed.