Sometimes I wish I had the money to buy a pretty blog, one that’s properly designed and loads fast and stuff.

Sometimes I wish we had a well designed fast loading website for The Charis Project too.

Sometimes I wish I had the perfectly posed and coordinated family photo, the kind other people seem to take every 3 months or so and then blow up real big and stick on the wall over their couch in and artful arrangement that looks just like Pinterest.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by giant things that I fixate on small things like that and end up in an argument with my husband over trying to plan a family photo session.

Sometimes I wish I had some idea already of where I’m going to live, and what kind of house and just, please, somewhere without any extra people to bump into unexpectedly when I’m just looking for breakfast.

Sometimes I fixate over having one little corner to myself instead, just one place that is quiet and no one disturbs me when I’m trying to do something. I don’t have one, just so you know.

Sometimes I think I will never have a thought that completes itself ever again.

Sometimes my inability to complete thoughts without interruption, coupled with people needing me to make giant decisions about stuff I don’t feel like I am capable of making decisions about and the desperate need to just have some space quiet enough to think and regroup makes me wonder if all my decisions aren’t suspect, fueled simply by a desire to run away to where there are no people and escape the constant hubbub.

Sometimes I’m afraid that once I finally do have the space to think I’ll realize that I was very wrong, and then I’ll be stuck with a bad decision and it’s consequences.

But then I remember there are no right decisions in this instance, and they’ll all need to be redeemed anyway.

Sometimes I realize a post took in a completely different direction that I originally intended, and that’s ok it’s more true this way.

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