One Thousand Gifts-Week 50

holy experience

 Babymoon, when you are supposed to relax and enjoy your new baby and get strong and recover. Unless, you have to deal with document problems with the insurance company and the DMV that didn’t surface until 2 days after you gave birth and can’t wait, or finding out that someone somehow has managed to use a fraudulent copy of your bank card and has been draining your bank account for a week starting the day your baby was born, or everyone coming down with the flu just ten days after he is born, or a tired, sick husband sliding into a major depressive episode for almost a week while you are still in the middle of hormone flux, or going back to work as the administrator of your non-profit corporation within days because there is no one else out there crazy enough to do what you do for free, at least not yet, and there are orphan kids who need rice this month. Someone has to keep it going. Some days it’s really hard to remember to notice the gifts all around. The temptation to lay in bed with a pillow over my head sobbing is much more tangible. Yet, the gifts are still there. I don’t want to miss any, but I do, so often, I do.

I managed to catch these ones though.

That Jellybean slept all through the night while I took care of sick kids with flu, and then slept some more when I came down with it a day later.

The strength to keep going and not feel stretched too far.

Beema just picking up the big kids some days and taking them to the beach so I have time to rest, or do whatever.

Little grabbing onto the Boy’s arm and looking up at him while laughing, “You’re my big lovey!”

The Girl sitting on the couch holding little Jellybean and soothing him to sleep like she’s done it all her life while the Boy reads to her.

The screams of laughter as they play outside together.

The flush of pride around the Boy when he gets to do meaningful work that’s actually helpful.

The way Little asks if she can hold the baby all the time.

Waking up to find all the children dressed and breakfast prepared and eaten, courtesy of the Boy and is big brother cooking skills.

When children come home.

Little carefully folding and putting away all of her clothes by herself, and then asking for more work.

Remembering to stop and enjoy the finally sleeping baby cuddled against my collarbone. He’s most likely my last newborn to snuggle with.

Aaron working on a project in the back yard. That he can do it at home now.

Planning this year’s school schedule, and seeing once more how much routine and having a plan makes everything manageable.

Succeeding in speaking calmly when tiredness and stress make it so difficult.

The Girl sweetly giving me a massage when I lay on her bed one night waiting for story time.

My children know how to play and have fun together.

Grace, that carries us through to reconciliation after a misunderstanding.

Spontaneous learning, identifying leaf types on trees and flowers, breaking rocks apart to find crystals inside, and running inside to regal me with tales of the wonders they have discovered, all by themselves.

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all content © Carrien Blue

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