Finding our life

“Mama, what do you want to do with me that’s fun!”

I look around at the breakfast dishes still on the table, the laundry I need to hang to dry, the floor that needs to be swept, again, so the crawling baby doesn’t find anything to choke on, and the laptop, where a whole lot more work is waiting. I can’t remember the last time I did something fun with her, just with her, just because.

I think of mixing school into the mix. “I will read to you!” I announce. I read out loud all the time, but rarely the books she finds interesting. I’ll read her one that she chooses.

“But I want to do a puzzle or color,” she says.

I agree and go to relocate the baby and use the bathroom and when I come out she has it all set up. An ottoman is pulled up to an end table and a coloring book is laid out. “Sit here mama,” she pats the tiny space beside her, “I will hand you crayons.”

We color 2 pictures, hers a baby tiger and mine rainbows and stars. The Girl gets in on the action to, she knows the order of colors in the rainbow better than I now and helps me color them, blending yellows and greens.

Three heads bend over paper and crayons and Little is pleased with herself. I realize again that this is why I’m doing all those other things.

“Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

This rings true for mothers to. We will find our life, our real worth living life, when we are willing to let go of the things we are trying to save; our sanity, our dignity, a clean house, a sense of self and a  purpose past nurturing these short people in our care. This is our purpose. It’s the treasure we give up other things to find, these moments with these people where presence is love.

What are you trying to save that’s keeping you from your real life?

all content © Carrien Blue

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